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Study Shows Guide Dogs More Arrogant Than Pet Dogs Because They ‘Have a Real Job Unlike Lazy Sparky Over There’

If you’ve noticed guide dogs walking with their chests poofed out a tad more than other dogs and their noses a few degrees higher in the air, you’re not mistaken.

A recent study from Ruffs University found that guide dogs are 99.7% more arrogant than their more carefree, unemployed counterparts because they have actual jobs and believe they’re higher in the chow chain.

The study surveyed 4,000 dogs nationwide. According to lead researcher Jonathon Hound, one reason cited for their arrogance was that, unlike regular dogs, guide dogs are not available for people to freely pet whenever they choose. 

“Guide dogs realized they were unique when they noticed people had to ask permission from their owners to pet them,” he said. “They started gaining a superiority complex. I mean, you don’t just go pet the president or king either.” He added that their arrogance is further compounded by the fact that blind or visually impaired people revere guide dogs for helping them navigate situations and restoring their independence. 

We interviewed some guide dogs for their take on the study.

“I can’t deny or confirm that us highly esteemed guide dogs are more arrogant,” barked Garmin, who has been a guide dog for five years. “But we are highly focused, and we don’t have time to do silly, mindless things like play or snuggle all day. We have an extremely important job to do, and we only play after a hard day’s work when the harness is off.”

North, another guide dog, who’s been on the job for the past three years, agreed. “Did you know only 45 to 50% of dogs make the grade to be a guide dog?” woofed North, puffing his chest out and polishing his claws. “Our training is intense! We’re held to really high standards and if you didn’t already know, I am a part of that exclusive group. I mean there’s a whole month dedicated to us. It’s obvious we’re pretty darn special.”

The Americans with Disabilities Act states that service dogs like guide dogs are allowed any place a person can go. This freedom afforded to them only makes guide dogs’ arrogance levels skyrocket even more, according to Hound. 

Garmin confirmed this. “Yup, I am a world traveler, and I only fly in the plane cabins with humans, not trapped in those claustrophobic carriers or the cargo hold. That’s soooo beneath us. And, I get to board first like royalty,” he yapped with attitude. “I also get the honor of entering any restaurant or building; we’re not chained outside like those other lazy, pathetic canines who just live to get their bellies rubbed. Tsk.”

Hound’s next really important study is on guide dogs’ GPS skills and their amazing ability to read traffic signals. North and Garmin will not participate in the study; they did not deny or confirm if it was because of their egocentricity.

 

2 comments

  1. I would have liked to have seen this study become intersectional…

    Future research opportunities:

    Emotional support animals
    Psychiatric service dogs
    Hearing dogs
    Autism assistance dogs
    Diabetic assistance dogs
    Seizure alert dogs

    and many many more

    like even the therapy dog at the retirement village has a cock-of-the-woof way.

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