OXFORDSHIRE, England — An English spirit has been grappling with the complex ethical question of whether it is okay to possess dolls with identities different from one’s original form.
After dying in a tragic accident in 1894, Jane Carter, 13, waited patiently in the mansion where she died for a humanoid vessel to inhabit.
The family that recently moved in brought a doll in a wheelchair, which would be an ideal corporeal form if Carter were not able-bodied.
“It’s been an awful bore yearning for a proper vessel, but I feel weird about inhabiting that particular body type,” Carter communicated using our reporter’s official Ouija board, “because I’m not … you know?”
Photographs have recently surfaced of spirits possessing dolls of other races, igniting a conversation about the ethics of inauthentic haunting.
“Things were different in the ’70s,” claimed an unknown spirit, the planchette cruising around the Ouija board. “I wouldn’t do it again today …”
Some spirits have argued that the debate is absurd because the beauty of possession is in the ability to take on different forms.
“Back in my day,” insisted the spirit of Oliver Roberts, 34, as he seized control of the Ouija board, “inhabiting a disabled doll wouldn’t get a rise out of anyone. Folks should stow it and not kick up a shine.”
The doll in question rolled ever so slightly forward. Or maybe it didn’t.