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Weird Flex but OK: Aunt Claims She’s ‘Thankful for Her Health’ This Thanksgiving

Things seemed normal at the Jacobs household as they gathered for their annual festive celebration. Before digging in, the family went around expressing thanks, and Aunt Martha made quite a bold declaration.

“I’m thankful for … for my health,” she said. In most homes this would go unnoticed and slip through as a harmless moment of gratitude. The Jacobs household, however, is not your normal household.

To the left of Aunt Martha was Uncle Fred, her blind husband who recently broke his thumb. To her right, her sister, Margaret, who has been losing her hearing as well as facing kidney problems. Even the baby, little Lucas, had just gotten over a nasty case of strep throat. Her comments could not have fallen on a more disabled group.

“You’re thankful for what?” said Cousin Tim, through his augmentative communication device.

“I’m thankful for my health!” she exclaimed. “For this majestic body which continues to rise each morning, and which rests comfortably each night. Not everyone can say that, ya know.” They knew.

The group begrudgingly proceeded to say their words of gratitude and acknowledge their various privileges and fortunes. They were thankful for their loving relationships with each other and for the opportunity to spend this autumn evening gathered together. It had been a while since they had all been in the same space. Cousin Kate was thankful she had met her new boyfriend, Max, at her physical therapy center, and that he could join them for the feast. The family was thankful for their homes, their education, and the delicious dinner that was sitting in front of them.

There was one thing, however, that all of the family members weren’t thankful for this year. Well, all of them except for f*cking Aunt Martha.

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