WATERBURY, Conn. — Jeremy Ferrell was caught by surprise this past weekend when the small social gathering he was reluctantly attending (that his mother swore would just be “four or five of us at the most!”) turned out to be a full-fledged combined family reunion and birthday party for Ferrell’s uncle Steve.
“I couldn’t even get to the potato salad without every great aunt and third cousin wanting to know how my recovery is going — even the multiple complete strangers my uncle insisted that I meet,” said Ferrell, who suffered a traumatic accident only two months ago.
“What I wanted to say to everyone was, “I’m now in a wheelchair, everything hurts all the time, and every day I find myself slipping slowly into ennui and despair as I question my place in a capitalistic society that weighs the value of a human life solely on its productivity,” Ferrell continued. “But I tried that once and everyone got all weird and quiet. So now I just say it’s going okay.”
Ferrell reportedly went home early to ice his cheeks, which had become strained from awkwardly forced smiling.
“He should really try thinking positively!” said Uncle Steve’s office manager Mark’s wife Carol, whom nobody asked for comment.