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Catholic Woman in Kohl’s Miraculously Heals Paralyzed Man

It was just a routine Saturday for Baytown’s Carla Mancini, who went out to spend her soon-to-be expired Kohl’s cash on 3-for-$10 underwear value packs. As she dug through the shelves to find her favorite pattern in her size, paralyzed cybersecurity consultant David Warner rolled past her in his wheelchair.

“Excuse me, sir!” she yelled suddenly. “May we pray together? It would be my honor to ask God to heal you.”

“No, thank you,” he responded awkwardly. But Mancini wouldn’t take no for an answer.

“I insist,” she said as she reached to grab his hand before closing her eyes. “Dear God, please use your almighty healing powers to save this young man. Forgive us for our sins, and fix our damaged human bodies so they too are in your image. In this store we ask a large favor, but please show mercy upon his kind soul!”

Suddenly a warm breeze rushed over the undergarment department, and a beam of light shone from above. As bells began ringing, David’s wheelchair faded into an obscure mist. He fell to the shimmering ground, but then rose to his feet, healed from his paralyzing injury.

“Oh, wow. Uh, thanks,” said Warner, as he stood up for the first time in years.

“Yeah, no problem,” said Mancini.

2 comments

  1. I was legit thinking she would have suggested that he “think positive” and that would’ve been the cure all along, lol

  2. Gonna tell all the people who do this that it’s not gonna work because they’re not Catholic.
    ~resentful ex-Catholic who grew up in a Protestant community

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